So… Jack spent a grand total of two days in preschool. Nothing like calling the preschool to check on your child and hearing him crying hysterically in the background. I called more than an hour after Brian left, too.

You know everyone who tells you your kid stops crying a few minutes after you leave and they’re fine? They LIE.

Yet another big, steaming pile of bullshit that mothers tell each other to absolve guilt, I think. Either that or Jack is just a really sensitive little guy who doesn’t adapt as easily as other kids might. I tend to think it’s a little of both.

It’d be one thing if we HAD to keep him in there. Yes, I’m struggling to work and make money when I only get about 15-20 hours a week to do so. But we didn’t put him in preschool out of necessity. We put him in there because we thought he needed a little bit MORE social interaction and structured learning than he was getting at home. I thought he’d have tons of fun around other kids, and he DOES– but only if we’re there with him.

Instead, he spent the entire second day crying. He didn’t get over it in a few minutes or even a couple hours. Five hours of solid crying. He wouldn’t eat or drink ANYTHING while he was there. He didn’t play with the other kids, either. The provider said that was BETTER than Monday. As soon as she said that, I knew they were “fibbing” because they were worried how I’d react. Not acceptable.

When we came home, he screamed bloody murder if I stepped out of his sight. He cried on and off all night. He had nightmares and kicked and screamed and cried. I just decided it wasn’t worth it. I need my little guy to be his normal happy self.

I certainly don’t have a lot of experience in this area, him being my first child and all, but I try to do a lot of common sense parenting backed up by a little (sometimes a lot) of research. I also go with my gut, and my gut is telling me that right now he needs his momma more than he needs to socialize with other kids his age. And I can look up age-appropriate fun and educational things to do with him.

He’s 18 months– it’s OKAY for him to be super crazy attached to me. It’s also okay that he’s wary of strangers and doesn’t feel safe around them. He’s developmentally where he should be, so I’m not worried about it.

Maybe I’m indulging him. I don’t think so, though. I think I’ll just try again when he’s a little older. The average age of kids being okay with spending a day away from you seems to be 3, according to all my friends. So we may try again at that time. By then he’ll be talking and I can explain to him that it’s only for a few hours. Maybe that’ll ease some of the panic he feels whenever he thinks I’m not around.

By the way, he’s STILL screaming when I leave the room. More than week later, he still feels panicky. He’s regressed in his separation anxiety about six months. Isn’t that awful? I feel so bad.