smartass.nu

Sorry I haven’t posted for a while, but almost as soon as I hit publish on that entry last Thursday, Dr. Bavishi called and said there was some concern with one of my test results. Apparently my progesterone was low, as were my levels of hCG, the pregnancy hormone. Those two things together could indicate an ectopic pregnancy. My heart just sank.

She said something along the lines of “There are two schools of thought when it comes to low progesterone. One is that there might be something wrong with the pregnancy, and doctors are reluctant to treat it. The other is that it just happens occasionally with some women and it’s easily treatable. I prefer to treat it.”

And I agreed, so she prescribed progesterone pills for that issue.

After all that, she said, “But don’t worry too much, we’ll have you back in next week, take some more blood. If doubles every 2-3 days, so if it’s increasing, you should be fine. If it’s decreasing, we’ll go from there.”

Then she scheduled me for that appointment on Tuesday, which left me five days and six nights to obsess and worry about it. Most of the time I kept thinking there was no way anything was wrong, because I had no cramping, no spotting, no bleeding, or anything else to suggest it was ectopic, other than the fact that my sister had one between her two boys. I didn’t feel like anything was wrong, either physically or emotionally. But the other part of me kept thinking “Of COURSE something is wrong— it’s ME we’re talking about, and I never come by anything easily.”

We went back in yesterday morning to have more blood drawn, and then were supposed to wait for THOSE results to get back in. Needless to say, all this waiting and worrying has been brutal. It completely destroyed my birthday on Sunday— I was far too depressed to do anything

Well, we finally got the good news this morning— my progesterone is up where it needs to be, as are my hCG levels! Yay!!! She scheduled me for an ultrasound on Monday, November 12th

You have NO IDEA how relieved and happy I am. I’ve just been SO.SAD thinking something might be wrong with my pregnancy. I only had five or six days to think about being pregnant before she called, but a lot happened within those six days

Some shift occurred almost immediately, and I knew that I was completely, utterly happy about being a parent, and that any residual traces of ambivalence pre-pregnancy had dissipated. There was no feeling of panic, uncertainty, or any feeling of “Oh crap, we’re beyond the point of no return now!” like I always assumed there would be.

Honestly, it was cruel to have that yanked away from me so quickly. But I think I can get it back. I think my nerves will settle down in a day or two, and then in a week and a half I’ll get my first ultrasound! I’m so excited… I really can’t wait.

Ooh, ooh, I forgot to post the best part!!! Brian said all along that he thought it would be more “real” after a doctor confirmed it. So yesterday at the appointment, she comes in and says “You are definitely pregnant!”

Brian said: “After reviewing the play, the call on the field stands. Touchdown!”

Bwahahahaha! I’m sure I’m in for dozens of football analogies. Lucky for him, I love football, so I won’t get annoyed. Heh.

I also forgot to mention (since everyone is asking!) that I feel great, and don’t have any morning sickness or anything else…. not sure when all that good stuff is supposed to kick in, but no sign of it so far. That suits me just fine.

The only thing I’ve really noticed is that my boobs hurt all the time— which is really no different than my usual PMS symptoms, anyway. I am also very tired and become light-headed more often, but I’m not entirely sure that can be attributed to pregnancy (see below).

I’m reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting, and one of the first few chapters has to do with the effects of smoking on a baby. An excerpt:

Happily, there’s no clear evidence that any smoking you’ve done prior to pregnancy— even if it’s been for ten or twenty years— will harm a developing fetus. But it is well documented that smoking during pregnancy, particularly beyond the third month, is hazardous.

In effect, when you smoke, your fetus is confined in a smoke-filled womb. Its heartbeat speeds, it coughs and sputters, and worst of all, due to insufficient oxygen, it can’t grow and thrive as it should.

The results can be catastrophic. Smoking has been linked to some 115,000 miscarriages and 5,600 infant deaths a year.

Obviously, I always knew it was dangerous. But when you have a visual of your fetus in a smoky womb, coughing and straining to breathe, it’s different. Very, very different. I’m not sure how or why a maternal instinct to protect offspring kicks in so immediately, but it did.

So…. on Monday morning, I had Brian clear out every single ashtray out of my home and immediately attempted to quit smoking. I have dropped from 2 packs a day (40 cigs) to just 5 cigarettes (one every three or four hours).

I know I should be at zero, and I will get there, but I am really proud of myself for such an immediate, dramatic change. Especially when I wasn’t even thinking about quitting just two days prior to that.

Why not go cold turkey? Well, there is a method to my madness. I’m doing something different this time to prevent spiraling down into the crazy, psycho, babbling freak like last time. I’m going to battle the two prongs of smoking separately.

The first is to break all of the associations I have by not smoking in the house (the associations you make with certain activities or rooms is worse than the addiction itself. For instance, it’s going to be very, very hard for me to work in my office, because I’m used to chain-smoking while working). So on the occasions when I do have a cigarette, I step outside. It breaks ALL of my previous patterns. It’s difficult, and I struggle daily… but it’s getting easier.

Once those associations all but disappear (it took about two weeks last time), it will be far, far easier to quit. And bonus, since I’m only smoking 5 or 6, my physical addiction won’t be nearly as strong, either.

I will be 100% smoke-free long before the second trimester rolls around. It’s absolutely non-negotiable.

The book ALSO warned of the risks associated with consuming high amounts of caffeine. So.. not only am I giving up cigs, I have to drop the Diet Mountain Dew, too. I went from drinking 1 gallon of Dew per day (SO not kidding— 2 2-liters) to just under 12 ounces per day.

So you can clearly see why I wonder if the exhaustion is from the pregnancy, or giving up nicotine, or caffeine, or a combination of all three.

Do you have any idea how hard is to break two incredibly addictive 15-year-old habits SIMULTANEOUSLY?

Especially when they’re both a part of your actual identity? I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. I can’t imagine myself as a non-smoker, nor can I imagine myself as a water drinker. But then again, I never really imagined myself as pregnant or as a mother, either. So now’s the perfect time to reinvent myself, eh?!

Brian told me yesterday that he thought I was the strongest woman he’d ever known. That is THE BEST compliment I have ever received, and it has made me stronger just to hear it.

We're Pregnant!

This has to be the best birthday present EVER.

I didn’t find out until this past weekend, and even then, I was completely unaware it might be possible because I really don’t track my periods that closely. (Brian does, thankfully.) When he told me off-handedly that I was 5 days late, I ran upstairs and opened up one of the free pregnancy tests that I received when ordering ovulation testing strips a month or two ago. When the damn thing was positive, I couldn’t believe it.

My eyes kind of bugged out of my head and my mouth made this uber-surprised little “O” shape and I kept slapping Brian’s arm in disbelief. He, of course, was beyond thrilled and he actually started giggling. Yes, giggling. If you haven’t seen a man giggle before, you’re missing out, because it’s too amusing for words.

We immediately ran out and bought three more tests, and performed another one that night, another on Saturday, and another on Sunday morning. All were positive

We were both ecstatic— we bought a book that has a day-by-day account of what’s going on (currently on Day 35), which tells you that the baby’s umbilical cord is just starting to form and it’s still inside a yolk sac (the placenta still hasn’t developed). Fascinating, just fascinating

I think after the third positive test, it kind of sank in, but I really wanted to wait for a doctor to confirm it before telling everyone. I don’t know if it’s common practice to wait 3 months to tell everyone in case something bad happens or what, but that’s not for me. I suck at keeping quiet, and could only valiantly fight the urge to spill the beans for a mere 48 hours.

I called my mom and asked her out to breakfast on Sunday morning. She said she’d already eaten. Snicker. Just when I thought she was going to blow it, she said she could meet us for coffee for a few minutes! Hee

I didn’t say a word, we just stuck that positive pregnancy test in her face and waited! It took her a few seconds to register what she was seeing, and then she said, and I quote: “Are you shittin’ me?!”

Hahahahaha. My mom’s a trip. She still doesn’t believe it, by the way. Hasn’t even come close to sinking in.

After that, we came home and hooked up the webcam to tell Brian’s parents. Coincidentally, his grandparents were also there, so the whole family was sitting there when we placed the test in front of the camera.

They all leaned in really close to see what it was, and again, it took a few seconds for it to register. When it did, they all flew backwards and clapped and laughed. It was pretty funny. Brian’s grandpa said “It’s about time!!!

But the best response of all had to be my sister’s. I called her and immediately said “Guess what? I’m pregnant!” and she screamed

“OH MY F****** GOD! THAT’S F****** AWESOME! YEAH! THAT F****** ROCKS!

Bwahahahahahaha! I was laughing so hard I was crying. She is SUCH a dork. She is INSANELY excited— you’d think she was having a baby! She made such a commotion that my nephew Arden ran over there and said “What, what?!” And she said “Aunt Candi’s going to have a baby! You’ll have a little cousin!” and then she started screaming all over again! Bwah

She even called my mom yesterday and was rambling on and on for about half an hour about how she couldn’t believe it, she was going to be an auntie, and she hoped it was a girl, and how much crap I was in for, yadda yadda. She cracks me up

I spent all day Monday doing research on the various local hospitals, and quickly settled on one that has LDRP rooms (private suites for labor/delivery/recovery/postpartum). Then I had to cross reference doctors who had access to that hospital; who were in my PPO network; who were board certified; who were AMA members; and who were women who had over 20 years experience. Only one fit the bill, and her name is Dr. Saroj Bavishi. She’s Indian (as in from India, not Native American). Just this year she received a Physician’s Recognition Award for completing over 50 hours of continuing education work for dozens of years in a row, a fact which I found most impressive

I was worried that I wouldn’t like her (you know how I am with doctors), but she’s great. Concerned about my blood pressure, my weight, my smoking, but NO lecturing whatsoever. She even commended me on the dramatic cigarette reduction (more on that later)

She didn’t keep us waiting AT ALL, and she was very straight-forward, kind, considerate, and she took the time to explain a few things. She performed a pap smear and breast exam, made sure everything was okay with my uterus (I believe she said it was nice and soft like it’s supposed to be- ha!), took blood for a bunch of tests, etc. They are putting me on a better blood pressure medication that is safe for pregnancy and she also prescribed prenatal vitamins

She also confirmed what I thought already— that I’m five weeks along and my due date is June 26th! They said they’d call in a few days with the results of all the comprehensive blood tests, and I have another appointment scheduled for November 21, the day before Thanksgiving. I’ll be nine weeks at that point… will have to look up what kind of goodies I can find out at that appointment. (I’ve counted ahead and I think I can find out the sex of the baby in February.

Yay!!! This is all so exciting…. it’s all we’ve been able to think about since we found out! Makes it hard to get any work done!