smartass.nu

Here’s a conversation I had with an acquaintance on Facebook earlier this month (a few days before Obama gave his speech to school children). I think you’ll find it quite amusing. (Or else you think the same way she does, in which case you’ll probably get so pissed at me you’ll want to spit. Heh heh heh.)

Her original post, which inspired me to comment against my better judgment:

President Obama sent an email out to all of the public schools Friday afternoon informing them that all PK-12 students were required to watch a live speech from him on Tuesday, September 8th right after Labor Day weekend. This speech, being aired liv…e on the 8th on CSPAN at 11am CST or noon EST, will be shown to all children at school. A worksheet was attached with suggestions for discussion with the kids b4.

This worksheet encourages them to read books about Obama, as well as discussing the importance of listening to whatever our government officials say, i.e. mayor, congress, senator and president. Talk about conditioning. Because so many parents and some schools were in uproar over it, Obama is airing a preview on Monday for parents to watch. I am not convinced the live speech won’t be different than what he shows us. The email informed schools that parents have a right to request their children don’t watch it, but with the little bit of notice on a holiday weekend, no parents know about it to protest. While it is supposed to be an educational challenge, I believe it is just one more way that Obama can brainwash and condition our children at an impressionable age. Besides, if he is simply encouraging kids to focus on education, why does he think he is important enough to have the influence over children that one’s own parents don’t. Lets face it. If they are not overachievers, some continued: inspirational speech from Obama isn’t going to change that. Don’t buy his lies!

Me:

Telling kids to work hard and stay in school is indoctrination? I suppose I’d take this more seriously if it weren’t mostly coming from the same crazies who yelled for everyone to support our President or it “emboldens the terrorists” and that dissent was un-American and unpatriotic when Bush was in office. They apply a different set of standards to Presidents depending on which party they belong to. That is incredibly hippocritical.

It’s one thing to disagree with his politics, but to accuse him of indoctrination before you hear what he has to say? Even if he DID go in there and say all that, which he WOULD NOT, is the right SO afraid of anyone challenging their beliefs that they’re going to start ignoring people preemptively? How narrow-minded. I would never want to raise children who can’t think for themselves. Beliefs left unchallenged are exceedingly dangerous and result in raising PARROTS, not children with the capacity for independent thought. THAT would scare me more than any unfounded, histrionic threat of indoctrination.

It amuses me that the ultra-religious don’t realize that they are themselves indoctrinating their children by refusing to let them even WATCH it.

PS- I wasn’t going to post anything because I typically don’t discuss religion or politics with anyone, because frankly I don’t really care, but … I figure if you’re going to post it in a public forum like Facebook, you must be okay with people discussing it. While I am quite direct, I’m not trying to attack you. Just tired of all the falsehoods and fear-mongering coming from the religious right.

Her:

Okay, everyone, I expected a few upset people over this. Let me try to address everything. I hope I don’t forget anything here. Firstly, let me say that I am not saying it is indoctrination. I am not even saying that for a fact he is going to brainwash our children. I didn NOT vote for Obama, and even though my votes during the last two elections were based on rights to life and various issues that the Bible teaches, I personally couldn’t stand Bush either. I simply had to vote the lesser of two evils. I certainly agree that too many parents don’t step up, which is extremely unfortunate, but who is Obama anyway to think that if he gets on the tube and tells kids to strive for their best that they are suddenly going to see a light from heaven and hear a choir of angels sing because they finally get motivated or get it. I don’t know anyone personally who was struggling at school that said, I am the success I am today because I heard a speech from a world leader that inspired me. Parents are supposed to be the number one supporters, motivators, and the number one people involved in their child’s life, which clearly is not happening in many cases today, but that doesn’t mean I want Obama stepping up to the plate.

A Russian newspaper journalist wrote a recent article in a Russian newspaper where he, living in a former communist society, stated that the United States is moving towards a socialist government at an alarming rate. He compared us to lost sheep who do whatever our leader says. In 6 months time, we have already handed over our auto and banking industries and as I mentioned earlier, media and healthcare to come next. While I certainly agree that healthcare needs reform, I don’t want the government taking that over. Just look at the government run programs that have run out of money or are failing. Under this president I see our grandchildren being left with an overwhelming amount of debt. I don’t claim that by getting a Republican president in office that this will miraculously get better. As a Christian, I see all of the things prophesized in the Bible beginning to come to fruition, so whether it was Obama or Bush in office, we are warned these things will come to pass.

As far as being narrow minded, God tells us there is no sitting on the fence, we either believe or we don’t. I had already told friends that I am setting up DVR to record his speech on CSPAN and screening the content before I allow my child to watch it. So while I have no problem screening it first and then having that discussion with my daughter in the privacy of my home, I am not comfortable giving even more of my rights over to the government to manage. Next, government will be telling me how to do everything else. We can’t talk about God in schools and teach our children about him. Parents are afraid to spank their kids or discipline them at all because of fears the children will cry abuse ( I am not referring to those who are abusive and should be dealt with). I have the right as a parent to stand up for my constitutional right to raise my family in the manner I see fit. If people keep just stepping aside and ignoring what is slowly happening, then we will soon find we are like the frog in the hot pot of water.The water starts of cold, and and heat is slowly rising so since the change is so gradual, we won’t notice the danger, until it is too late. If the government announced on t.v. tomorrow that they were taking over everything from media, to healthcare, to our finances, etc. there would be widespread civil war, looting, and rioting in the streets, but if they create crisis and take over everything gradually, we won’t know to jump out of the pot. While I would never think it bad to encourage children to strive for their best, I also remember this comes from the same president that supports the idea of work camps for our children. Wonder when he will begin enforcing that law? Not trying to attack anyone either, just standing firm in my beliefs.

At least when all hell literally breaks lose, my hands are clean of it all because I can say with confidence that I tried to warn others.

Me:

I’m certainly not upset at you and stated as much when I posted. I’m sorry if what I said here or on my wall upset you, either, because that wasn’t my intent. I think surrounding yourself with people who have opposing views is a great way to expand your mind, and I’m all about the brain power.

That said, I do understand that some people get uncomfortable arguing and it makes them feel attacked and/or like they have to defend themselves. And that still others resort to name calling. You won’t get that from me. (I can’t promise I won’t do that to public figures or collective groups, though, like I did last night on my wall! Hahahahaha!)

I might get amused and sometimes aggravated by the religious right, but I try to at least hear what they have to say if for no other reason than to figure out where they’re coming from. That desire almost caused me to burst a few blood vessels the past decade when Bush was in office, let me tell you.

At any rate, I don’t think Obama trying to inspire kids in a classroom has *anything* to do with religion. It certainly didn’t in your original post. In your original post you talked about conditioning and brainwashing, which clearly indicated you thought he had the power to do that to young children. And in the same paragraph, you asked who he thought he was to try and inspire them to stay in school, and that it wouldn’t make a difference, suggesting he didn’t have the power to change thinking at all. Which is it?

Also, it’s the parents job to teach their kids about personal responsibility (and not the teachers or the President), but it IS the teachers’ job to talk to and teach kids about God? What about Jews? What about Muslims? What about Atheists?

If we’re going to teach about the Christian God, what about everyone else’s God? It would be fine with me, if they included all religions and made it optional, of course, otherwise it’d be… ummm.. church.

But since that’s not really practical, why not just leave that stuff in church where it belongs, and the parents can take them wherever they see fit?

That’s one of the main principles this country was founded on, after all. Freedom of religion DOESN’T just mean being free to praise Jesus, despite what most Christians think. It means being free to worship whoever you want, and also to be entirely free FROM religion if you want.

Just like the Americans are lost sheep comment… I would argue that secular Americans feel exactly the same way about Christians– that they are lost sheep with blind faith who latch on to certain parts of the Bible which serve their beliefs and completely ignore other parts of the Bible which don’t. The worst is ignoring all the parts about feeding, clothing and sheltering the hurting. I wonder if Jesus would think that was socialism… or would he just think that’s the right thing to do? I don’t know. I’m not a Christian and I don’t study the Bible. But from what I can see that’s EXACTLY what he was trying to teach.

Those are the kinds of contradictions that I like to point out when I argue with people. My point in arguing, by the way, isn’t to upset people, hurt them, or piss them off. It’s to get them to think about it in a different way. Even if they come to the same conclusion again, they’ll look at their reasoning a lot more closely. And if someone with an opposing view says something factually relevant that gets me to examine MY opinions more closely, that’s awesome, too. But once it becomes all about the Bible instead of the facts, I will respectfully bow out, too. I could talk about politics all day long, but God’s word? Will leave that to others.

I don’t have a problem with Christians. I have a problem with Christians who don’t act like Christians. But I had an amazing role model on that front– my grandmother was the most devout woman I’ve ever known. But she was also the most kind, empathetic, generous and wonderful person. She didn’t just preach it, she LIVED it. It wasn’t her sole mission in life to convert others to Christianity. Her sole mission in life was to do God’s work, and to perhaps lead others by example. If more Christians were like THAT instead of all doom and gloom, hellfire and brimstone, maybe more people would be inspired to learn.

I could talk about politics all day long, but I need to work.

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She deleted the post and all the comments soon after. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Both of my nephews spent the night with us this past weekend, though I was quite leery about keeping six-year-old Andrew overnight because of his separation anxiety from his mother. (I keep holding out hope that the expert toddler books are all correct and that Jack will outgrow his separation anxiety issues by the time he’s 18 to 30 months old—despite all empirical evidence to the contrary. In fact, I foresee many of the same issues with Jack.)

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By the way, did I ALWAYS go off on these tangents, or is that a relatively new development? Because honestly… it feels like I’m doing it a lot more than I used to. As long as it’s actually related to what we’re talking about, a tangent here and there is okay. I’ll admit that my brain doesn’t work as well as it used to pre-baybee, but if I get so bad that I start rambling about how Jack won’t eat cauliflower when we’re in the middle of talking about what a tool Glenn Beck is, slap me upside the head. HARD. (Present deviation not included, of course. More on “mommy brain” later!)

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Thankfully, though, nothing like that happened. In reality, he was probably too worn out to get homesick, because we took all the boys up to Monkey Bizness. I think Arden, who just turned 11, is nearing the edge of the unspoken acceptable age/weight range, but they had so much fun bouncing around, swinging, climbing, playing basketball and air hockey, and generally just acting like… well, monkeys.

Arden going head first down the big slide

Andrew climbing in the cage

Andrew apparently seconds before getting kicked in the head by a little girl. :: snicker ::

Jack going down the kiddie slide!

Every time I take Jack there, I realize how much bigger he’s getting. Last time he was barely walking, and now he’s running and climbing and trying to go down the slide by himself and chasing other kids around. It’s so neat.

Playing air hockey with Daddy

They had so much fun! Especially the big birthday boy, which was my main goal for the weekend.

Four tuckered out boys!

Arden, age 2 1/2

Earlier this week, my nephew Arden turned a whopping ELEVEN YEARS OLD. It seems like just a couple years ago when he was a naughty little two year old, running around and getting his grimy hands on everything (and I’d follow him with a paper towel in one hand and a bottle of Fantastik in the other).

Everyone said that once I had my own kid, the dirt, snot, poo and other bodily fluids wouldn’t bother me anymore. They were mostly right— dirt, snot or poo didn’t bother me at all. But I still can’t handle any kind of saliva or drool. And I definitely can’t handle vomit. Not even my own. (See below.)

But back then, ALL of it bothered me. IMMENSELY.

I still remember in horrific, vivid detail The McDonalds Playland Incident ™ where he got a little too busy and “forgot” that he was potty trained. This even after my mother (who had custody of him at the time) ASSURED me that he hadn’t had any accidents in months. Yeah, riiiight.

I have checked my archives and will repost the story for you below:

Playland & Pull-Ups
December 02, 2001 08:58 AM

The secret to surviving seven hours with Arden is to take him places. First stop: McDonalds. It has a Playland! I can sit there, smile, wave, and let him expend every ounce of energy he has. Little did I know, the both of us were going to expend much, much more than energy.

Note: Extremely gross story to follow; do not read if you have a weak stomach.

Arden is in the middle of potty training. The past few weeks, my mom has made great progress with him, though, because whenever he has to go #2, he tells you first. That is what she told me when she dropped him off, anyway.

So after about two hours at the Playland, he walked up to me and said he had to go to the bathroom. I took him into the bathroom, pulled down his pants, and saw that he’d had a very nasty accident. Not having any extra Pull-Ups in the car, I didn’t know what else to do but dispose of the nasty Pull-Up, and lifted him up on the toilet. The second his butt made contact, I noticed he had poop all over him. All over his butt, the inside and backs of his legs, even on his pee pee. Which, of course, transferred onto the toilet seat. OH. MY. GOD.

He was yelling “Yucky – get it off!” and I was frantically looking around for paper towels but there were none! I was going to have to clean it all off with toilet paper!

By that point, he was scratching himself, or playing with himself, or whatever 3-year-old boys do, so he was getting poo all over his hands as well. I hissed, “Oh gross, DON’T touch it!” and hurriedly wiped as much off of his legs and butt as much as I could, but without being able to get the toilet paper wet, it was a lost cause. There was nothing else I could do but put his pants back on, hope he didn’t have another accident, rush home, clean him up and put another diaper and pair of pants on.

When I pulled his pants back on, he was touching my shoulders to keep his balance. I tried not to hurl at the thought of his poop-encrusted fingers touching my tee shirt, arms and hair, but that was only the beginning of the dry heaves. I stood up, took a few deep breaths, and lifted him up to wash his hands. There was no soap in the dispenser! Could this get any WORSE?!?

I told him to rub his hands together, being unwilling to touch them myself, but he couldn’t get it all off. I gave him a big wad of toilet paper and went to work on the toilet seat.

I lost it. Halfway through wiping it all off, I heaved up the quarter pounder I had less than two hours before. And heaved again. And again. All the while, Arden is standing there staring at me with disgust like *I* was the gross one that couldn’t control my body functions. I flushed the toilet after every heave, thinking I could regain my composure if I weren’t staring at vomit. But it kept coming, with every other swipe of the toilet seat.

I swear it took me twenty minutes to get that toilet cleaned up.

After getting him home and cleaning him (and myself) up, I immediately called my mom and bitched at her for misleading me, but she couldn’t stop laughing long enough to commiserate. She didn’t understand why this particular accident caused me to hurl. After all, I’ve changed his diaper dozens upon dozens of times. The problem is whenever I lean over a toilet, I feel the urge to yark, and if there’s anything even remotely gross on it, I can’t control myself.

I am desperately trying to erase the memory of what happened yesterday, but I think I can chalk this one up in the “Reasons why I should never have children” column.

I will not allow my mother to drop Arden off with Pull-Ups ever again. They are worthless. Diapers only, please. At least they keep it contained.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

First of all, I can’t BELIEVE I didn’t have any extra Pull Ups in the car. WTF was I THINKING?! Was I planning on just letting him sit and stew in it if he had an accident? Knowing me… probably. *snicker*

Secondly, even if I did forget the Pull Ups, how could I EVER forget the wipes?! Wipes are an absolute MUST, even with children who aren’t in diapers!

Thirdly, how cool is it that I knew even then that surviving a full day with a toddler is to keep them busy and take them places?!

Arden in April 2009

But I digress… I was talking about my now-eleven-year-old nephew. Diapers—for him, anyway— are a long, long time ago. He’s a smug little “tween” now who scowls when you take his picture instead of smiles. He likes girls and Grand Theft Auto and can recite long conversations from Phineas and Ferb. He likes to sneak in the word “nuts” whenever he can and he fancies himself a skateboarder. And for some strange reason, he likes hanging out with us, so we’re going to go get him this weekend and take him somewhere cool for his birthday.

Congratulations to my friend Jaya, who had a beautiful baby girl named Maya on September 15th at 5:46 pm! She has a full head of dark hair and is beautiful, just like her mommy. I’m so happy for you, Jaya!

So today was my 15 year high school reunion. Which I skipped, because there’s no way in HELL I’ll ever step foot back in Iowa, and NO, I’m not going to talk about it, because FIFTEEN FREAKIN’ YEARS?! Are you KIDDING ME?! That means we’re five away from 20 and JESUS H. CHRIST on a pogo stick, has that much time passed? Really?!

Change of subject.

Riding on daddy's shoulders

There was another reunion going on today, too, and this one I did attend: The Overland Park Regional Medical Center’s Annual NICU Reunion. (For some reason, we weren’t invited to the 2008 Reunion, hmpf! Maybe because they don’t want to see your kid for another year after discharge? Hahaha!)

I thought it’d be really cool to go, though, because for most, the NICU experience is such a negative, dramatic, emotionally draining ordeal that it’s hard to revisit (literally or figuratively). The only truly happy day you have is the one where you get to bring your child home, because even the birth day is traumatic.

I figured it might be a little healing to take Jack back there now, almost triumphantly, like “Look, he’s 16 months old now, and so big and strong!” I was hoping we’d see some of the awesome nurses who took such great care of Jack while he was there so we could show him off and thank them for giving him such a great start.

If not the nurses, then maybe some other people that were in the NICU with us (remember that Jack’s birthday buddies Eli & Gabe moved back to New York earlier this year, boo!).

2009 NICU Reunion in the Park

There were a lot of people there—way more than I expected—and we didn’t know any of them!

Well, that’s not entirely true. I finally saw another couple that I recognized, so I made my way over to her and inquired after her twins. We made small talk for approximately two minutes and then she turned around and wandered off. I kind of shook my head incredulously. I told Brian “Oh yeah, NOW I remember why I never talked to her in the hospital, either!”

We didn’t really see any of the nurses we were hoping to see, either. We DID see the two out of 90+ that we DIDN’T like, though. What are the odds of that? That kind of stuff is BIZARRE. Whatever negative feelings I harbor towards anything have a way of popping back up, almost like a bad penny. Why? Why couldn’t any of the other 90 freakin’ nurses have been there? Arggghhh.

So we let Jack run around and play for a while (including one really cute moment where he walked up to an adorable curly-haired brunette named Elizabeth in a stroller and tickled her toes!) and then we took off.

Regardless of how disappointing the event was, Brian and I still felt pretty triumphant, and those feelings stayed with us all day. We even made a little victory loop through the parking lot that we drove to for 47 consecutive days. Jack has come SO far from that tiny little 7 week old that was released on June 9, 2008. He was so tiny (barely 10 pounds, even at 2 months old), that he was completely swallowed up by his car seat.

Discharge Day from the NICU

Now he has this huge convertible seat and his long legs dangle over the edge of it. He’s grown from 15″ long to almost 3 ft. tall.

My little man is no longer a baby

He’s running and dancing and climbing on everything and he just amazes me every day with the things he can do. I know other people aren’t necessarily amazed. Sometimes they’re not even amazed by their own children (especially if they have more than one). But we are. Every time he does anything, we truly delight in it. Because for his first several days of his life, we watched in horror as a ventilator pushed air through his underdeveloped lungs, and we could NOT imagine him as he is today if our lives would have depended on it.

For us, every single thing he does is a miracle.

Hope everyone had a Happy Labor Day Weekend! Ours was BUSY.

Jack enjoying the view from Brian's shoulders

On Saturday we went up to the Santa-Cali-Gon Festival in Independence, Missouri— the starting point of the Santa Fe, California and Oregon Trails. It’s also where I’ve lived three times at various points in my life, so I’m quite familiar with it.

The things you can do at a festival with a toddler are pretty limited, so we mostly walked around and stuffed our faces. Lots of bad, pre-packaged and overcooked hamburgers (hint: if you see a seal of any kind on the tent, whether it happens to be the Lions or the American Legion, STAY AWAY!), kettle chips and funnel cakes—standard festival fare. We also enjoyed live music, which was all good except for one bad, countrified rendition of “Comfortably Numb”. *snicker*

Jack choosing a duck in the hopes of winning a prize!

I told Brian he should try to win a prize for Jack, so we started looking for something for him to play. We came across a little duck pond, and it was small enough where Jack could pick his own ducks!

SCORE! He won a prize on his very first shot at it. We chose a 3-foot tall Dora the Explorer balloon. Heh. He was the envy of pretty much every little girl from 10 months to 6 years old we passed as we strolled by, too.

On Sunday, we headed back up to the Kansas City Irish Fest. We stuffed our faces with Irish meat pies (it’s pretty much just like our “pot pies”, but more portable) and bangers & mash (which is sausage, mashed potatoes and brown onion gravy). Not bad, but not really any type of authentic experience. (Guess I’ll just have to take us all to Ireland someday then, huh?!)

A fountain at Irish Fest

Jack doesn’t really care where he is as long as you let him run around and push his stroller. The little guy is venturing further and further from me. I was kind of shocked when he saw another stroller go by and just took off running down the sidewalk at what seemed like breakneck speed. (I have short legs, what can I say?!)

He went quite a ways before he became aware of his surroundings and spun around to look for me (I was hot on his heels, don’t worry). I just wanted to see how far he’d get before he freaked.

We’ve been experimenting with a child harness in busy places, and I’m pretty ambivalent about it. Part of me is mortified because it really is just a goddamn leash for your child, and that just seems wrong on so many levels.

But the other part of me knows that it only takes a SECOND for someone to grab your kid, and they can’t really run off with them if they can never get more than four feet from you. Not that he would anyway, since I watch him like a hawk, but still. He could dart out in front of someone or something in a fraction of a second, too! Especially at this age. That boy is QUICK. And fearless!

We’ve tried it two or three times now, but the first time someone looks at me funny, I cave and take it off of him. (And it always happens.) Brian’s like “You never give a shit what anyone else thinks… why now?” And I can’t really answer, other than the fact that it feels kind of wrong to me, and I haven’t made up my mind yet, so I’m not working with my usual level of confidence. If I feel wonky about something, it’s easy for me to second guess myself. (Hey! It’s rare… but it happens.)

I think I’m going to start blogging again! I know, you’re super excited, right? :: snicker ::

I’m merging the smartass blog and the baby blog and will be posting exclusively here from now on, so update your bookmarks.

I’ve also brought over the whole photo gallery of Jack from the baby blog! I’m still six months behind on adding photos but it’s updated until the point where he’s one year old, anyway. What can I say? I have a very active 16-month-old and not a lot of free time.

Let me know what you think of the new design and if you see any problems. I tweaked the hell out of this Word Press theme—it was a mess! Also be sure and comment so I can add you to my blog roll!

Jack going back and forth in the driveway PUSHING his buggy instead of riding in it, as usual. Bonus: trying to figure out a way to get it up the stairs. Ha ha ha.

Only people with young kids who watch Yo Gabba Gabba will get this, but here is grainy video of my 16 month old playing along to the song “Walk in a Circle”.