smartass.nu

Please pray or send positive vibes to Jack. We found a bit of blood in his diaper around his birthday. We freaked and took him in to the doctor immediately, of course. They took a urine sample and told us that he developed a urinary tract infection (UTI), so they put him on antibiotics. The pediatrician was worried that he had a blockage somewhere though, because he couldn’t get the catheter in on either attempt, so they scheduled a sonogram for last Friday.

On Monday they got the results, and the pediatrician called and said that Jack had hydronephrosis:

Hydronephrosis is dilation or stretching of the area of kidneys where urine collects that can occur when there is an obstruction of urine flow somewhere along the urinary tract, most often in the upper section [ read more about it here ].

He also mentioned that there might be some evidence that he has duplicate urethras, an extremely rare congenital malformation which is causing vesico-ureteral reflux (backwash of urine), [ good explanation of that here ] i.e. the blockage causing the hydronephrosis.

He told us that the sonogram wasn’t enough, that we definitely needed to go through with the VCUG (they insert a catheter, inject him with dye and take an x-ray to locate the potential blockage or other problem) so they can find out for sure what was going on.  They scheduled that with a pediatric urologist up at Children’s Mercy, but the soonest they could get him in was June 8th.  (Long story of me calling them two or three times trying to get his appointment moved up, but I’ll skip that.)

Fast forward to yesterday. I was playing with Jack during my lunch break, and I noticed he seemed a little pale and withdrawn. I touched his forehead, and immediately knew he had a fever. I took his temperature and it was 101. The pediatrician had warned us to watch for fevers because that might signify worsening of his infection, so I didn’t mess around at all, I immediately took him in.

They attempted to catheterize him again, and this time managed to get it on the second attempt. (I can only hope you have never been unlucky enough to watch your baby boy being catheterized. It was bad. I was in tears.) Within minutes they knew he either had a recurring or ongoing UTI. Doc told me that coupled with the fever, they were going to have to be careful and treat it very aggressively, because back pressure on kidneys could cause permanent damage if left unchecked.

He was spouting off medical terms (which I have since looked up, but didn’t know at the time!), which I’m sure was his attempt to reassure me, but my pediatrician has a very bad habit of giving me worst case scenarios without really telling me they’re worst case scenarios.  He’s kind of like an absent-minded professor who thinks out loud.

So after I heard “Reflux is the main reason why people lose their kidneys,” I kind of freaked and started pounding him with questions, but I didn’t really feel like I was getting anywhere. He was telling me we were going to wait for the cultures to come back and then put Jack on another antibiotic. Then we just needed to get the VCUG done to find out exactly what was going on. Okay, got it… but….

I said “So what happens if he DOES have two urethras?” He said “I can’t really speculate on that… you’ll have to discuss that with the urologist.”

Guess it’s a-okay to speculate about what might be wrong with him, but NOT okay to speculate about treatment? What the … ? INFURIATING! This has happened with him before. It’s so frustrating. Don’t use phrases like “permanent damage to his kidneys”, “can be very dangerous”, or talk about how people lose their kidneys and then clam up. What the hell is that all about? If you’re going to talk worst case scenarios, then go the freakin’ distance and tell me what happens with those worst case scenarios!

Also, since it’sTHAT serious, WHY are we waiting until June 8th to see the urologist and get the x-ray? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Okay, so I’m furious. That much is obvious. But I’m also very nervous and scared. After reading up on all the above-mentioned issues, it seems pretty clear that one way or another, surgery is probably going to be required. It’s a different surgery for each type of issue, but they’re all S-U-R-G-E-R-Y. That scares me half to death. He is only 12 months old! After everything he went through when he was born… he doesn’t deserve this.

So my request to you is to pray or send good vibes that:

1.) This new antibiotic clears up his UTI, because it’s obvious it’s causing him great discomfort (he’s been on a steady dose of Tylenol and Motrin for pain, but it only does so much);

2.) That the urologist moves his appointment up as soon as they get the cultures back on Monday—there’s no way I’m sitting on this until June. I will find a different urologist or hospital if I have to; and,

3.) That whatever does have to happen—surgery or not—that it’s routine and everything will be okay.

I’ve been trying to tell myself all of those things for the past couple days. I’m sure everything WILL be fine. I’m just a worrier.

We actually had Jack’s birthday party last weekend on the 18th (because of the March for Babies walk that’s scheduled on Saturday, the 25th), but I’m going to post them now on his actual birthday. We just had a really small get together with my sister and her kids, and my aunt Lynn and her kids. My dad surprised me by showing up, too, which was a pleasant surprise.

We all had a fabulous time! We grilled out burgers and hot dogs, and Captain Jack got a lot of “loot” for his first birthday! Thanks to everyone for all the cards, presents, and even the savings bonds!

Playing with a hippo from Ashley

Checking out a baseball toy from Melissa

Squeezing a giggling duck from Great Aunt Lynn

Oooh, a Winnie the Pooh phone!

He REALLY liked the balloons!

Giggling with daddy, as always!

Jack's cousin Arden trying not to smile at the camera

Jack's other cousin, Andrew

Apparently both of my nephews were incapable of smiling today. Haha. (Only when they were forced to come upstairs and part ways with the Wii!)

Jack, true to form, smiled and giggled at everyone… as long as they didn’t HOLD HIM. Haha. Hope everyone enjoyed holding him as a baby, because he ain’t having it anymore! My poor Aunt Lynn.. I think he hurt her feelings a little by not letting her hold him, but… I did try to tell her (as I do everyone) that he has stranger anxiety.

At any rate, after we ate, we all sang Happy Birthday to Jack. He wasn’t amused by it, for some reason! I was really surprised. But here for your viewing pleasure, anyway:

Then we all had cake and ice cream. And… I pulled off something pretty darn amazing, if I do say so myself. I have NEVER decorated a cake before, and I managed to create the most perfect little pirate ship for Jack based on these instructions on Parenting.com.

BEHOLD, my fabulous creation:

Homemade pirate ship for Captain Jack!

Even the cake batter was made from scratch (no cake mixes here!) Brian drew the skull and crossbones for me, but other than that.. it was allll me. Not bad for my very first attempt at decorating a cake, eh? Haha! I am a Domestic GODDESS! Bwahaha! Everyone was suitably impressed, anyway!

And none of those crappy white birthday cakes, either! This was a DARK CHOCOLATE cake! Yum, yum, yum. Jack approved, too:

Covered in chocolate cake!

Look at his face!

And… because he managed to get even MORE covered in chocolate a few minutes later, I whipped out the video camera again. Here is the result:

Isn’t that great?!

I’ve learned the ins and outs of iMovie, so instead of waiting for Brian, I will actually be able to post video of Jack on my own! Yay! I’ll create a new section for all the upcoming videos.

Happy Birthday again to my little man.

How amazing, you’re already ONE
What a precious person you’ve become!

P.S. This is only one of three birthday posts! Scroll down, because below are two additional posts, one by each of us, reflecting upon Jack’s first birthday!

365 days of Jack. WOW.

I’m in shock that it’s been a full year… yet in some ways, it feels like he’s been a part of our lives forever. I can barely remember what my life was like before him. Whatever I was doing, it pales in comparison to the wonderful life and family that we have created now.

When I look back at some of the photos of Jack on his first few days of life, and how tiny and fragile he was, I barely recognize him.

Jack's Birth Day: April 24, 2008

It’s hard to look at those photos, because those first few hours, days, and even weeks were not rife with happiness and celebration—we were terrified. Terrified that he was so small (a miniscule 3 lbs 2 ounces); terrified that his lungs weren’t fully developed and he couldn’t breathe on his own. Once 36 hours had passed and we had received numerous assurances that he really was going to be fine, despite how scary the NICU was, there were still many grueling weeks where terror was our constant companion. Terror that he’d get an infection and backslide; that there would be a complication we weren’t aware of; that we’d get that terrible, unspeakable phone call in the middle of the night that something had happened and they did all they could do. The whole time he was in the NICU I had this horrible feeling that something WAS going to go wrong and I was going to lose my precious little baby.

I don’t think we were TRULY able to enjoy being parents until June 9th when we were finally able to bring him home.

June 9th.. home at last!

Even then… because the NICU nurses pounded it into our heads that preemies are at higher risk for dying of SIDS, I was terrified of that for another 2-3 months. The first three nights I didn’t sleep a WINK because I was checking him to make sure he was still breathing every 15 minutes. It was so ridiculous that I had to buy a sensor for his crib that would detect breathing motions and alert us if it didn’t pick up anything for 20 seconds. He was at least 6 months old before I’d even entertain the thought of letting him nap in bed with me. Now, it’s a nightly occurrence, but then… forget it. I was terrified I’d roll over and suffocate him, or he’d turn his head and bury it in the pillow. I really don’t think anyone (not even Brian) truly understood how frightened I was all the time. Many nights I couldn’t even sleep because I was always worried. I worried myself half to death those first few months.

Most parents never have to go through what we went through, thankfully. Their babies come out hearty and robust and they just go from there. I have friends who have had 10-pound babies from the get-go. Jack didn’t hit 7 pounds until just before he was almost two months old, you know? Their experience with “new parent jitters” and mine are worlds apart. I simply can’t relate, and vice versa.

It wasn’t until December (he was about 7 months old) when I started feeling like I could relax, because he was so strong and healthy. He was sitting up, learning to crawl, and he’d hit 20 lbs., etc.

Jack on Christmas Eve '08

It was then when I was finally able to experience the tremendous joy that motherhood brings. And I truly, truly have. Every day when I look at that sweet, sweet face— his silly tongue, his big, toothless grin that he flashes all the time— and my heart physically hurts, I love him so much. And each day, my love for him continues to grow. That’s a little terrifying, too, but in a good way.

He’s growing sooooo fast! He has such a big personality, and for me, that’s what it’s all about. And oh boy, has he delivered on that front! He has a great little sense of humor and regularly giggles and squeals at funny noises and faces, or even when Cheeto hauls ass down the hallway after one of the cats. His whole BODY seems to smile when daddy walks through the door at night. It’s a beautiful thing to behold. I wish I could get that reaction from him, but that would require leaving.the.house.without.him. And umm… yeah. That’s never happened. I can’t do it.

He bobs up and down and “dances” when he hears music he likes. When he does something he’s proud of, he claps. Oh, and he’s a total ladies man, too. If he sees other little girls—and sometimes older girls! He’s whipped his head around to smile at waitresses in restaurants!—he smiles and flirts with them.

He’s independent in many ways—he likes to do certain things for himself and resists if you try to help. He’s a lot like his mommy that way. But even so, he’s DEFINITELY still a momma’s boy. He doesn’t want to let me out of his SIGHT. And when he’s upset and calling for me with his trademark “Mom-mom-momma!” cry, my heart breaks and I’ll come running and scoop his little baby butt up until he’s happy again. Right now it’s especially gratifying (for me, anyway) because he can be screaming holy hell, but the second I pick him up, he hugs me and stops. Kelly calls it “serious mommy love”, which cracks me up. That’s true, but he’s also suffering from separation anxiety. He should grow out of that, or so all the “experts” say. It’s hard on us, but I love it that he needs me and that I’m able to comfort him. And he’s only a baby once. I’ll never get this time with him back, and soon enough he’ll be all super-independent and won’t want any mommy love. So I’ll get it now while I can.

And he is soooo affectionate. He cuddles with me and puts his precious little head on my shoulder. He also holds my hand, which is the sweetest thing EVER. He falls asleep at night holding at least two of my fingers, just like he did in the NICU when we were finally able to hold him. I think that’s how we first connected and he hasn’t forgotten—it brings him tremendous comfort. To me as well.

Having him is the best thing that’s ever happened to us. He brings both of us so much happiness. And let’s face it—he’s getting to that age where he’s just loads of FUN. And even when he’s not (fun, I mean)… it doesn’t matter. He still has both of us wrapped around his tiny little finger. I have so much patience with him that it freaks me out a little (where is this patience COMING from, and why doesn’t it apply to anyone else?!), so my single biggest fear about becoming a mother was completely unjustified.

The one thing I was sure of—that Brian would be an EXCELLENT father—was thankfully correct. He’s exceeded even my high expectations. So far, I’m really proud of us. And I’m INSANELY proud of Jack. He has come such a long, lonnnnnng way. He’s so fun, smart, mischievous, and cute… I look at him in awe sometimes. This amazing little guy is ours? Really? We are both so incredibly lucky to be his parents.

His whole life is ahead of him… I am SO excited for him. My biggest hope in the world is to be the best mom I can possibly be to my sweet little man

Baby’s breath and sun-filled skies
Ladybugs and lullabies
Starry nights and bright moonbeams
Tender hearts and lasting dreams
Each, a gift within your view
During this time, made for you
May only good things come your way
On this, your very first birthday.

© 2007 – Jill Eisnaugl

I just turned one year old today! Yayyyyyy!!! http://twitpic.com/3wsts

There are days when Aunt Kelly “goes bananas” and gets so many cute photos of Jack, I can’t stand it. This is one of those days.

Bwahahaha! His little tongue's going again!

I LOVE this one!!!

For my friends with babies, by the way… that toy is the LeapFrog Spin & Sing Alphabet Zoo. OMG, he LOVES it, and HAS loved it for several months. He has never tired of it! It switches between letters and animal sounds. It’s like his very own little wheel on the Price Is Right. *snicker*

My sweet, sweet boy...

The living room looks like Fisher Price threw up in here, but at least Jack is happy!

Cheeto doesn't care... he just wants to nap!

We just bought these adorable little shoes for Jack a couple days ago. He seems to really like them, too!

Love my new kicks!