« April 2007 | Main | June 2007 »

May 2007 Archives

May 5, 2007

Le Disko

Lately I've been really diggin' on the song Le Disko by the Shiny Toy Guns, a band I hadn't even heard of until a few weeks ago. I don't really care for the rest of the album, but this one track rocks.

Also, if you're looking for the "tight, tight, tight" song on the latested episode of Boston Legal, it's called Wikked Lil' Grrrls by Esthero.

May 5, 2007 1:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

May 6, 2007

For your viewing pleasure

... two hysterically funny videos:

May 6, 2007 6:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

May 8, 2007

Fred Phelps' latest

Fred Phelps' latest: Westboro Church Wishes the 33 Virginia Tech Victims were 33,000.

Just when I think it can't possibly get any worse, it does. The man and all of his followers* are just batshit crazy. I often visualize a gigantic flyswatter coming down out of the heavens and just putting that raving lunatic out of his fucking misery. Because he really is in misery. There are no happy, well-adjusted people out there spouting hatred and venom like that— no, that is one sad, wretched shriveled up nutsack of a human being.

Oh, how I would love to be a fly on the wall when that happens. He'll be standing outside the pearly whites and God'll say "Who is it?"

"It's your humble servant, Fred Waldron Phelps, Sr., my Lord."

"Oh, HELL NO."

Then the floor will drop out. And like any other ride, there will be one of those little cameras about halfway down that snaps his photo. The surprise! The fear! The terror! Oh, my!

Then Kim Basinger can leak the video to TMZ.com, and we can all sit around and laugh our asses off.

* Though they aren't really "followers", per se. They're family members. See Wikipedia: Westboro church supposedly has 71 confirmed members, 60 of whom are related to Phelps through blood or marriage or both. If there were ever a case that proved that stupid people shouldn't breed, that family is IT.

May 8, 2007 5:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

May 9, 2007

I Text You

Brian and I have been having fun with text messages lately. Here's a recent exchange:

Brian: Dos Reales restaurant at 75th and Antioch. Tip from a colleague.

Me: Mucho gracias, amo restaurantes mexicanos!
(Thank you, I love Mexican restaurants!)

Brian: Si, mi esposa caliente.
(Yes, my hot wife.)

Me: Oh, mi marido oculto pobre.
(Oh, my poor blind husband.)

Brian: Porque los buffaloes son grandes?

(Brian-speak for "I have no idea what the hell you're talking about." Loosely translated, it means "Because buffaloes are great."

Snicker. My husband is such a dork. I simply adore him.

May 9, 2007 3:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

May 13, 2007

More worldly fun with YouTube

May 13, 2007 8:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

May 14, 2007

Banned!

It looks like my Neverending Discontinuation Curse^™ has officially extended to Brian. He just emailed me from Chicago O'Hare and said:

The dude at Dunkin Donuts said they didn't have any Lemon Donuts and they don't carry them anymore. Better not be all DDs or they are f'n banned! :-P

Hahahahaha! We have this little game we play where we'll ban places that piss us off (for whatever reason), and it has resulted in endless amounts of entertainment.

For example:

Walmart was banned for upwards of two years for its all-around suckiness. I reluctantly lifted the ban when they expanded into a supercenter.
Applebees is banned for having food that looks good on the menu but tastes like ass.
Subway is banned because of Jared. Well, that and the fact that I like a little meat on my subs. (Quiznos rules!)
Anything to do with Jack Daniels is banned for all eternity. Extended protocol requires flipping their logo off whenever/wherever it's seen. If you ever see anyone cursing or gesticulating wildly at a packet of steak seasoning in the grocery store, you may now understand why.
The entire state of Ohio is banned for having rude fucks everywhere and maniacal drivers who attempt to run you off the road. (And that's saying a lot, because I drive like a maniac myself.)
Nebraska Furniture Mart is banned for selling me a non-functioning deep freeze.
Canned pink salmon is banned from my household for its projectile vomit-inducing appearance.
American Idol is banned from our television, and any music originating from American Idol is banned from the airwaves.
Knott's Berry Farms is banned for discontinuing tomato preserves.
L'Oreal is banned for discontinuing auburn mascara for redheads.

And then there are partial bans, where companies are generally banned, but exceptions can be made in the case of extreme emergencies (read: they something that no one else has). The partially banned list includes:

McDonalds is half-banned for having shitty food. It IS acceptable to buy sausage biscuits for breakfast, though, which is the only thing left on their menu that is edible. Shamrock shakes around St. Patty's Day are also allowed.
Home Depot is banned for having shitty sales associates who refuse to put the boxcutter down and assist you. (You can do it! ~~We can help!~~ If you can find it! Good luck with that!)
Best Buy is partially banned for having sales clerks that lodge themselves firmly up your ass when you don't want them, and disappear when you do.

There are dozens more, but you get the idea.

Looks like we're going to be adding Dunkin Donuts to the list, too, if they truly did discontinue lemon donuts! Oh, well. Krispy Kremes their asses, anyway. Snort. Yes, I'll add bad puns to the banned list, too.

May 14, 2007 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

May 15, 2007

Cheeto with a Combover

Bwhahahahahahaha!

May 15, 2007 10:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

CNN Breaking News!

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Yeah, yeah, I know... I'm going to burn in hell, etc.

Send your righteously indignant flames to: Hellfire&Brimstone@SeeYouThere.com

May 15, 2007 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

May 16, 2007

Bumper Sticker Fun

Just saw a hysterical bumper sticker that said:
Bush is listening. Use big words.

May 16, 2007 4:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

May 20, 2007

The countdown begins...

Only 21 Days, 5 Hrs, 19 mins, 30 seconds left.

I wish they'd let us pre-order the damn things. I haven't been this excited about a tech toy since I bought my dual G5!

May 20, 2007 6:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

May 22, 2007

Spidey shoes

Finally found a pair of casual sandals that fit: Skechers Spiderwebs. Not only are they cool looking and super comfy, but the spiderweb on top is made of neoprene, so they stretch to accommodate my supa-dupa-wide feet!

They click the bottoms of your feet like thongs, but that's okay. I them, anyway.

May 22, 2007 3:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

May 24, 2007

Instant karma rules!

Oh my god, this is funny:

A psycho tries to kill his girlfriend by parking car in front of oncoming train and jumping out. But when the train hit the car, it launched it into the fleeing man and killed him.

The girlfriend survived.

Bwahahahahahahahahaa!

May 24, 2007 10:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

May 29, 2007

Memorial Day Weekend

Hope you guys all had a great weekend. I worked all day Saturday and Sunday... bah!

I called my mom on Monday because I was kind of bummed out that we wouldn't have our usual family cookout/BBQ (understandably*), so I offered to bring the burgers to her. She said one of Mac's weird things is that the smell of food makes his stomach roil. Consequently, she's been eating a lot of odorless (read: flavorless) food, like lunchmeat sandwiches and cold cereal.

Then she started talking about how good a juicy burger sounded and how long it's been since she's had one. Being the wonderful person that I am (snort!), I not only offered to bring the burgers to her, but to eat them out on the picnic table so Mac couldn't smell them!

I think she thought I was joking— who would drive 45 miles one way just to make an emergency cheeseburger run?!

I would, of course.

I piled Brian in the car, drove all the way over to Topeka, bought her a double Whopper w/cheese, and drove it all the way out to her house in BFE, where my mom savored every last bite of it. Hahahahahaha!

* My mom's husband is undergoing chemo and radiation for a cancerous tumor. It's been hell on them both.

May 29, 2007 6:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)